A moment of silence.

Hey all!

I know its been such a long time since I've posted. I have been thinking lately what it means to live. Often, I find myself daydreaming about my future and what it could have in store for me. The daydreams will often involve jumping from an airplane, or walking on the beach at sunset, or looking forward to those little moments when I am content and happy, or love. Its not rare that I am told that I need to settle down, in fact it is too often. But why do I need to settle down?

About two years ago on April 22nd my good friend and house (foster) brother was killed in a car accident. He was driving in his car while texting his girlfriend telling her how much he missed her and couldn't wait to see her again. He ran a red light and was T-boned by an SUV. He died two days later from brain injuries. I wasn't able to make it home. I didn't get the call from any of my parents or the home that I lived in. A friend had called me and told me the news. I was in Wisconsin, at the wheel, driving back from visiting some family. My heart just sank and eventually I had to pull over and have someone else take over. I was so scared to drive for a couple of weeks after that because of the thoughts of him. Every April from then on I cannot help but to think of him and to miss his most annoying and aggravating antics. To miss the way he always looked at me when I was stressed out and say "Listen, LADY, CALM DOWN!" and then say something really stupid like "I cant find my pencil...." I miss that so much. Soon after, I had learned that before the accident, he had just applied and been accepted to a Culinary School. He had always been a great cook and interested in trying new things, it was only natural for him.

Ever since, I try not to worry too much about what the future holds in store for me. I try not to plan my life more than a year in advance. But, at the same time I cannot help myself. I want to go to Grad School, then Doctorate School, then sit on the beach somewhere and have the towel boy always refer to me as "Docta". Catching myself in the act is always a punch in the face. I remember him and other friends or family whose life was ended too soon and I remember the good times and what it means to live.



I don't know about the day that I'm going to die. I know it will come, but I can only hope that it will hold off until I'm 214 years old. And when I do, I want to close my eyes and have my life replay before me. When that happens, I want it to take forever to replay because there has been so much joy, happiness, sadness, and adventure there. In fact, I would love to be able to laugh when it happens, because I don't want my life to be dull or "normal". To laugh much and live often is a good goal for anyone to have, period.

I am forever and always an adventurer at heart. And I will always stand up, not just stand by.

R.I.P. Paul- I miss you lots bro....